Life after Kids Chapter 1

Hello and welcome to my blog Keep’n it Real, sister to my Vlog on YouTube. My name is Carla Alexander, a Jade of all trades but a master of some, the ones that make me, well me. I’m a regular middle-aged mom who has raised all her children, and now I’m faced with the question “What now?”

I wasn’t raised by a parent that sat behind a desk from 9 to 5 or instilled the foundations for life beyond her struggle, instead she filled it with dreams of the belief that life has so much more, we just need the money to have it. She never stopped believing that one day she’d have enough money to stop struggling, but the day never came and yet when she passed she did so peacefully and without regret to how she lived her life in pursuit of the American dream. The problem with that was she took the answer to happiness with her and left behind a gaping hole with no answer on how to fill it without her.

I spent so much time blaming myself for not being more like regular 9 to 5 women like my sister and friend who have great jobs, security, and a bank account. Why was it so hard for me to do the same?

Somewhere along the line in my life, I stopped allowing myself to believe in my dreams because dreams bred hope. I had none after enduring years of an abusive relationship. We eventually parted but the damage was done and I carried it for 20 years, long after he was out of my life all the while somehow believing that I deserved it. I did the best I could to raise 5 children without my hangups and fears especially since I had daughters, and it wasn’t easy but I made sure they were better than me in that regard.

Four years ago when I decided to move I had no idea about life or living it without my kids until the moment I realized I was on my own and felt exposed. I was very broke, lonely, and lost with no one to turn to, I felt sorry for myself and went through a multitude of emotions until the day came where I had to make a decision. To quote from the movie the Shawshank Redemption “Get busy living or get busy dying.” I made a conscious decision to get busy living.

I wiped my eyes, untucked my tail, and started finding things to do to make money and bring me happiness. But I failed over and over again. I tried fitness programs, videos, drove kids to and from school, drove for Lyft, delivered food for Postmates, whatever I could find to help keep my head above water. But, something always happened that was out of my control and I started to believe that I had to be the unluckiest person in the world. It wasn't until I finally hit rock bottom that I understood that money wasn't going to come to me because I wanted it too badly, I needed it to fix all my problems.

Then it happened, a complete re-write of my blueprint from the inside out and it was something I didn’t see coming or knew I needed; my spiritual awakening. It’s within this journey into self-discovery that I found the key to my happiness and it didn't cost me a penny but is as priceless to me as the rarest gem.

I’ve discovered so many new and wonderful things about myself, things I never knew I was capable of doing and I want to share it all because it’s important to spread the message of self-love, not self-hate. I know it sounds cliche but honestly, it’s the only way to live if you want to truly be happy in your life. I’m not sure if I’ve found all the answers to everyone else’s happiness but I’ve unlocked the doors to my mind and I'm pretty confident that some of my keys may work for some others, kind of like a universal key.

My goal is to be the kind of role model for women who’s felt lost, confused, lonely, ashamed, scared, and show them that it's ok because it's never 2 late 2 re-create who you are. I accept that I’m a woman with many talents and skillsets for me to pick just one so I’m not going to, instead I’m going to share all that's worked for me. Spirituality, real-life stories and experiences, love, food, and fitness. Five of my best contributions to be shared with the world and hope some of my experiences can help make life a little better or at the very least, entertaining. I don’t know what the future holds for me or anyone else for that matter but I do know that once I let go of the past and walk onto my true path, my life has been different, and I'm different. I can’t turn back now because I’m past the point of no return, my only option is to keep going and be better than was yesterday.